


Blame it on the Mistletoe

by dreamerfound



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mistletoe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 11:04:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11735736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamerfound/pseuds/dreamerfound
Summary: Julian is feeling bad, maybe Barry can help.





	Blame it on the Mistletoe

Julian distanced himself from the rest of the group. He didn’t belong here. It was a mistake. He shouldn’t have come. He was sure Caitlin was only being polite when she invited him. He hadn’t planned on taking her up on the offer, he really hadn’t. Finding out that he was actually Alchemy, had left him feeling shaken. He hadn’t wanted to be alone. He wasn’t sure he could trust himself. Possessed or not, he was the villain here. Or he had been. He shook his head and went to find an empty room. He just wanted to be alone for a moment. He needed to clear his head. He figured he could find a place to hide for a bit and then slip out when no one was paying attention. Bumping into Barry Allen along the way, hadn’t been part of the plan.

“Where do you thing you’re going?” Barry asked. Did Julian detect a hint of laughter in the other man’s voice? He frowned.  
“Excuse me, Mr. Allen” Julian backed up and stepped to the side to give Barry room to pass. Barry smiled.  
“I’m pretty sure I just asked you a question Julian.” Barry crossed his arms. He didn’t look like he intended on going anywhere just that moment.

Julian wasn’t sure how to answer the question, so he just shook his head and looked down at his shoes. He had overdressed. He felt out of place. Worse, he felt foolish. 

“Come back to the party, I think we’re opening presents soon.” Barry sounded way too cheerful considering what had happened earlier. When Julian had been locked up in the Flash’s secret prison. Barry’s secret prison. It seemed obvious now that he knew. He really should have figured it out earlier. 

“I don’t belong here.” Julian kept his eyes on his shoes. It was safer that way. He didn’t want to see judgement in Barry’s eyes. The judgement he knew had to be there. 

“Don’t be silly, it’s Christmas. Come on.” Barry was being too nice. Julian wasn’t used to Barry being nice to him. Unless he wanted something from him of course.

“I think it’s time for me to leave.” Julian looked up and stepped forward. Barry didn’t move.

“Mr. Allen, please step out of my way.” 

“Tell me why?” Barry insisted. Julian looked him in the eyes. There didn’t seem to be any judgement there. Only curiosity.

“Why what?” Julian asked.

“Why do you think, that you don’t belong here?” Barry seemed serious, as if he couldn’t fathom why Julian would feel out of place here.

“You’re the Flash. As much as I don’t agree with the city’s reliance on you, you are a hero. Your friends- your team, are all heroes. Unbeknownst to me, I’ve been on the wrong side all along. I’m a villain.” Julian ran his hand through his hair in frustration. 

“Julian, you aren’t a villain. That wasn’t you. Savitar was possessing you. It was him doing all those things. No one blames you Julian. He’s the one responsible, not you.” 

“Be that as it may, I am still responsible. If I hadn’t found that stone...” Julian shook his head. His chest felt tight. He needed to get out of there. “People are dead, Barry. That’s on me. I have to live with that.” He clenched his fists, his nails biting into his palms. 

“You didn’t kill them Julian. You haven’t done anything that anyone else wouldn’t have done in your shoes. You’re a victim here. Why can’t you see that.” Barry leaned back against the wall and shook his head. “Believe me, we’ve all done things we regret.” Barry sounded strangely sincere and he almost wanted to believe him. Part of him wanted to ask for forgiveness, to beg for acceptance. But that was the weak part of him and Julian would not let himself be weak. Not again. He shook his head. “No”

“Man, you need to forgive yourself.” Barry’s voice was quiet. Maybe he was done. Maybe he’d said his peace and would now just let him go now. Julian needed to be alone. He was wrong to think that he needed company. What he needed was to be away from other people. He didn’t want anyone else to get hurt. What if Savitar found a way back? What if he found a way to use him again? Julian tried to push past Barry. He was harder to move than he looked. “Let me go” Julian said.

“I can’t do that” Barry reached out and grabbed Julian’s arm, and gently pulled him forward. Julian didn’t know what he expected, but he hadn’t expected Barry to lean in and kiss him. It was over before he could even get his bearings. “What?” 

“mistletoe” Barry pointed up towards the ceiling. Julian looked up to see to the plastic greenery hanging above his head. He had no idea what to say. Before he could think of something, Barry kissed him again. He tasted like eggnog. Heavily spiked eggnog. Before he could think himself out of it, Julian grabbed onto Barry’s sweater and pulled him closer. He hated Barry’s cardigans. The man didn’t know how to dress at all. He did smell good though. 

Barry pulled away first. Julian felt stunned. “You don’t even like me” The words slipped out before he could think better of them. Barry shrugged. “There’s was mistletoe. I think there’s a rule or something... I know how you feel about rules.” Julian smiled. He felt lighter. Maybe things would be okay after all.

**Author's Note:**

> written for hc_bingo on dreamwidth (round 8)  
> prompt: forgiveness


End file.
